Iceberg Ahead: Navigating Emotions in Relationships Without Crashing
Ever been in a conversation with someone you care about and thought, “Whoa… where did that come from?” Maybe they snapped, shut down, or gave you a look that said everything and nothing all at once. It can feel jarring—and incredibly personal.
But here’s the truth: what people say or do in relationships is often just the tip of the emotional iceberg. Underneath? Fear, frustration, stress, unresolved trauma—even things that have nothing to do with you at all (Gottman & Gottman, 2017).
As Don Miguel Ruiz wisely wrote in *The Four Agreements*: “Don’t take anything personally” (Ruiz, 1997). It’s a powerful mindset, but let’s be real—when your partner says they “can’t take it anymore” because you left one fork in the sink, it’s tough to stay Zen.
What to Do When Someone You Love Is Acting Out of Character
✅ Give them space.
🫱 Wait until they’re calm, then ask gently:
“You didn’t seem like yourself earlier—want to talk about it?”
Try using Active Listening Skills to keep them from getting defensive and be more likely to open up.
🚫 Don’t get defensive. Their tone might feel sharp, but it may not be about you.
And if you feel yourself heating up, try this:
Take long, deep breaths
Picture your thoughts floating on a cloud or drifting down a stream
Do the 5 senses grounding technique
Distract your brain with mental math (7 x 8, anyone?)
These small tools help you stay calm—so you can support your partner rather than join the chaos. Bonus: it might just flip the energy and save the night.
Crisis averted. Netflix resumed. Relationship: stabilized.
Navigating relationship stress or emotional overwhelm? I’m a licensed mental health therapist in Florida offering online sessions for individuals and couples throughout the state. Whether you're feeling stuck, hurt, or just exhausted from repeating patterns, therapy can help.
✨ Contact me here or schedule a consultation to get started.
I look forward to hearing from you!
📚 References
Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2017). The Natural Principles of Love. The Gottman Institute.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Hyperion.
Ruiz, D. M. (1997). The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. Amber-Allen Publishing.
