Gaslighting: When Someone Makes You Feel Like You’re Losing Your Mind (You’re Not)
Gaslighting Explained: Insights from a Tampa Therapist
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone tries to make you doubt your own reality. The term comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight, where a husband dimmed the lights and convinced his wife she was imagining it. In relationships, gaslighting can sound like:
“That never happened. You’re imagining things.”
“You’re too sensitive. It’s all in your head.”
“Wow, you’re crazy. I can’t believe you think that.”
“You’re just being paranoid.”
Gaslighting is subtle at first. Over time, as psychologist Robin Stern explains in The Gaslight Effect, the behavior can intensify until you start to question your memory, feelings, and sanity itself (Stern, 2007).
Why do people gaslight?
Gaslighting is often about control. For some, it’s a way to avoid accountability. In other cases, it’s tied to deeper patterns, especially with individuals who have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
What is narcissism?
A narcissist is not just someone who loves selfies. According to the DSM-5, characteristics of NPD include:
A grandiose sense of self-importance
Lack of empathy
Exploitative behavior in relationships
Intense need for admiration
Difficulty handling criticism
When combined with manipulative tendencies, these traits can create the perfect storm for gaslighting.
Why it’s so hard to recognize
Gaslighting often escalates slowly. At first, it’s small comments. Over time, it becomes a cycle of invalidation so consistent that it starts to feel normal. You might even start thinking, “Am I the crazy one?” (spoiler: you’re not).
It’s important to remember: being manipulated is never your fault. Gaslighting is a common trap because it plays on trust and love—the very things healthy relationships are built on.
How to break free from gaslighting
Trust your gut: If something feels off, it probably is.
Document interactions: Writing things down can help you see patterns.
Reach out for support: Friends, family, or a therapist can reflect reality back to you.
Set boundaries: Calmly name the behavior and step away when possible.
Plan your exit: In ongoing gaslighting relationships, ending the connection is often the healthiest choice. As trauma expert Shahida Arabi writes, “Distance is the antidote to emotional abuse” (Arabi, 2018).
Leaving isn’t easy, but reclaiming your reality is worth it. You are not broken. You are not “too sensitive.” You are waking up.
If you’ve been questioning your reality, you’re not alone—and you are not crazy. Gaslighting can make you feel isolated, but healing starts when you reclaim your voice. Ready to take the first step toward clarity and support? Let’s talk.
📚 References:
Stern, R. (2007). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. Broadway Books.
Source for the definition of gaslighting and its progressive nature in relationships.
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.).
Source for the characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Arabi, S. (2018). Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse. Thought Catalog Books.
Source for the importance of distance and ending relationships involving emotional abuse and gaslighting.
