Healthy Boundaries in Relationships: A Therapist’s Guide to Protecting Your Energy

Let’s get one thing straight: boundaries aren't walls—they're doors with locks, welcome mats, and maybe even a neon sign that says, “Please remove your emotional shoes before entering.”

As a Tampa therapist and art therapist, I see how boundary issues show up in all kinds of relationships—and how setting healthy ones can change everything.

🧱 Types of Boundaries (with Examples)

• Permeable: Too open; say yes to everything, absorb others’ emotions.
  → Example: Agreeing to host your neighbor’s birthday party when you’re overwhelmed with work.

• Rigid: Too closed off; avoid vulnerability, trust no one.
  → Example: Ghosting people at the first sign of emotional closeness.

• Healthy: Clear, flexible, respectful of self and others.
  → Example: “I’d love to help, but I need a night to recharge. Let’s touch base tomorrow.”

⚠️ Without Healthy Boundaries, You Might Notice:

• Resentment or burnout

• Chronic people-pleasing

• Difficulty saying no

• Codependent relationships

• Loss of identity

🧩 Boundaries in Different Relationships

• Romantic: No one is worth ditching your self-respect. Remember Bridesmaids? Annie keeps saying 'yes' to a man who offers her nothing, hoping one day he’ll finally care as much as she does.

• Family: You’re allowed to say no to guilt-trippy group texts and unsolicited advice (Gilmore Girls, anyone?).

• Friendships: Friends don't get 24/7 access to your emotional bandwidth (Like in Girls, where Marnie expects Hannah to drop everything at any time to tend to her drama, regardless of Hannah’s current drama overload).

• Work: Your boss doesn’t get to assume your weekend is wide open. Think Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. Poor Anne Hathaway! Boundaries prevent burnout faster than a fresh cup of coffee.

🛠 How to Set Healthy Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a Villain)

• Be direct (kindly):
  “I’m not available after 6 PM for work calls.” Clear beats confusing every time.

• Use “I” statements:
  “I feel overwhelmed when plans change last minute.” Less blame, more clarity.

• Start small:
  Practice with low-stakes situations (e.g., telling the barista you don’t want whipped cream).

• Expect discomfort, not disaster:
  You’re not rude, but some people may not be thrilled about your asserting healthy boundaries.

• Get support:
  Therapy can help you determine where your boundaries are and how to maintain them (without the guilt spiral).

🗣️ Assertive Communication in a Nutshell

• What it is: Clear, respectful communication that honors both your needs and the relationship.

• Why it matters: It helps you set boundaries without guilt, shutdowns, or blowups.

• Core features:

  • Uses “I” statements (e.g., “I feel ___ when ___, and I need ___”)

  • Calm tone + confident body language

  • No blame, no games—just clarity

• Examples:

  • “I’m at capacity and can’t take on another project right now.”

  • “I need some time to recharge—let’s talk later this week.”

  • “I know this is important to you, but I have something planned, so I will be unable to attend.”

• Pro tip: Practice in the mirror or write it out beforehand. Assertiveness is a skill, not a personality trait!

💬 Ready to Draw the Line (In Pencil or Paint)?

If you’re tired of feeling stretched thin and ready to set boundaries that support your mental health, I’d love to help.
👉 Let’s chat and start building your boundary toolkit.

📚 References:

• Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No.

• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection.

• American Psychological Association. (2023). Healthy Boundaries for Mental Well-Being.