Healthy Boundaries in Relationships: A Therapist’s Guide to Protecting Your Energy

Let’s get one thing straight: boundaries aren't walls—they're doors with locks, welcome mats, and maybe even a neon sign that says, “Please leave your emotional baggage at the door.”

As a Tampa therapist and art therapist, I see how boundary issues show up in all kinds of relationships—and how setting healthy ones can change everything.

🧱 Types of Boundaries (with Examples)

• Permeable: Too open; say yes to everything, absorb others’ emotions.
  → Example: Agreeing to host your neighbor’s birthday party when you’re overwhelmed with work.

• Rigid: Too closed off; avoid vulnerability, trust no one.
  → Example: Ghosting people at the first sign of emotional closeness.

• Healthy: Clear, flexible, respectful of self and others.
  → Example: “I’d love to help, but I need a night to recharge. Let’s touch base tomorrow.”

⚠️ Without Healthy Boundaries, You Might Notice:

• Resentment or burnout

• Chronic people-pleasing

• Difficulty saying no

• Codependent relationships

• Loss of identity

🧩 Boundaries in Different Relationships

• Romantic: No one is worth ditching your self-respect. Remember Bridesmaids? Annie keeps saying 'yes' to a man who offers her nothing, hoping one day he’ll finally care as much as she does.

• Family: You’re allowed to say no to demands for your time and energy, guilt-trippy group texts, and unsolicited advice (Gilmore Girls, anyone?).

• Friendships: Friends don't get 24/7 access to your emotional bandwidth (Like in Girls, where Marnie expects Hannah to drop everything at any time to tend to her drama, regardless of Hannah’s current drama overload).

• Work: Your boss doesn’t get to assume your weekend is wide open. Think Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. Poor Anne Hathaway! Boundaries prevent burnout faster than a fresh cup of coffee.

🛠 How to Set Healthy Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a Villain)

• Be direct (kindly):
  “I’m not available after 6 PM for work calls.” Clear beats confusing every time.

• Use “I” statements:
  “I feel overwhelmed when plans change last minute.” Less blame, more clarity.

• Start small:
  Practice with low-stakes situations (e.g., telling the barista you don’t want whipped cream).

• Expect discomfort, not disaster:
  You’re not being rude, but some people may not be thrilled about your asserting healthy boundaries. Especially if they don’t have healthy boundaries themselves.

• Get support:
  Therapy can help you determine where your boundaries are and how to maintain them (without the guilt spiral).

🗣️ Assertive Communication in a Nutshell

• What it is: Clear, respectful communication that honors both your needs and the relationship.

• Why it matters: It helps you set boundaries without guilt, shutdowns, or blowups.

• Core features:

  • Uses “I” statements (e.g., “I feel ___ when ___, and I need ___”)

  • Calm tone + confident body language

  • No blame, no games—just clarity

• Examples:

  • “I’m at capacity and can’t take on another project right now.”

  • “I need some time to recharge—let’s talk later this week.”

  • “I know this is important to you, but I have something planned, so I will be unable to attend.”

• Pro tip: Practice in the mirror or write it out beforehand. Assertiveness is a skill, not a personality trait!

REMEMBER:

Asserting healthy boundaries is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. There is only so much of you, and you get to decide how you spend your energy and time.

If you are in a healthy relationship with someone - family, significant other, friend, coworker - they WANT you to take care of yourself. They want you to be healthy - mentally and physically.

So, if someone is asking you to do more than you can or something you don’t want to do, ask yourself, “Is this relationship good for me?” or “Is the current dynamic of this relationship working for me?”

💬 Ready to Draw the Line (In Pencil or Paint)?

If you’re tired of feeling stretched thin and ready to set boundaries that support your mental health, I’d love to help.
👉 Let’s chat and start building your boundary toolkit.

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📚 References:

• Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No.

• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection.

• American Psychological Association. (2023). Healthy Boundaries for Mental Well-Being.