A Simple Strategy for Difficult Conversations: Make It a Sandwich Because Who Doesn’t Love a Sandwich
As a therapist, I often encourage clients to speak their minds, create healthy boundaries, and address uncomfortable issues in their relationships. Whether a client of mind in Tampa, or any part of the world, it’s universal - sometimes, you need to say something uncomfortable, but you don’t want to bulldoze someone’s feelings or start World War III over unwashed dishes. Enter: the sandwich method. 🥪
This isn’t about sugarcoating or being inauthentic. It’s about delivering truth with care—leading with kindness, stating the difficult bit clearly, and closing with empathy or appreciation. Research backs this up: kind communication fosters receptiveness and trust in relationships (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
Why Sandwiching Works:
Reduces defensiveness (Rogers, 1961)
Encourages open dialogue
Keeps relationships intact while addressing real issues
🥪 Anatomy of a Communication Sandwich
Top slice of bread: Acknowledge the person or offer a positive
The protein (a.k.a. the hard thing): Say what needs to be said, clearly and kindly
Bottom slice: Appreciation, validation, or hope for resolution
🍽 Examples for Every Relationship Type
Significant Other:
“I really love how supportive you are when I’m overwhelmed. I wanted to talk about how I’ve been feeling hurt when we argue and things get loud. I know we both want to feel safe with each other, and I appreciate that you’re willing to talk it through.”Coworker:
“You’ve been doing a great job managing your tasks lately. I noticed the report was submitted late this week, which impacted the next step. I know things get busy, and I appreciate your commitment to the team.”Family Member:
“I’ve always appreciated how thoughtful you are. Lately, I’ve been feeling like my boundaries aren’t being respected when you stop by unannounced. I really do love seeing you—can you text beforehand next time?”Friend:
“I love spending time with you. Because I value our friendship, I want to tell you that the joke you told the other day felt a little too personal for me. I know it wasn’t your intent to hurt me, so I wanted to bring it up so we could talk about it.”Random Stranger (yes, even them!):
“Hey, I know the line is long and everyone’s tired. When you cut in front of me, it felt a bit unfair. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional—just wanted to flag it. Thanks for understanding.”
🛠 Why It’s a Powerful Tool
Using this method:
Keeps difficult conversations from escalating
Encourages emotional safety (Linehan, 1993)
Builds trust and connection over time
Helps you get your point across without leaving a trail of regret confetti 🎉
😁 Final Bite
So no, you don’t need to choose between being nice and being honest. You can be both. Sandwiching your message doesn’t dilute the truth—it delivers it in a way others can actually hear. That’s the magic.
If you’d like to work on communication skills or unpack your own emotional sandwiches, I’d love to walk alongside you.
👉 In the Tampa Bay Area or anywhere in Florida, and you’d like to improve your communication skills? Let’s make some sandwiches and chat a while
📚 References
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
Rogers, C. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.
